1/24/2017

When I love, I love as fully as I can. It’s by no means perfect love because I’m not a perfect being, but I give what I can. I’m not for everybody and I know and accept that.

What’s been hard to accept is when the people I thought I WAS for decide that I’m no longer for them. Inner issues come up for me: abandonment, rejection, not being good enough…you know, the “standard.”

2016 was a shyt year partially because one of the core people in my heart decided I was no longer for her and promptly departed my life. I never understood why (still don’t) and it devastated me. But I worked on my healing and my heart strength, and I got to a much better, healthier, and happier place emotionally and spiritually.

Just in time for the next person to go MIA.

But now, after the growth work I’ve done and continue to do, I see me. I honor me. And while loss will always hurt, I’m learning that I don’t have to lose my Self in it. I’m remembering that we are all different people on our own different journeys, and that sometimes our paths veer away from each other. I’m accepting that sometimes, no matter how much I try to fix a connection, it may still break. And I’m finding the peace to know that this is okay.

Because present or not, loved ones always have a place in my heart. That is who I am, and honoring that grows my compassion not just for others, but also for my Self. Loving my Self to the fullest extent that I can is what will keep me centered and content in those times when others decide that they won’t.