For the new year, I thought about making “find your tribe” a goal. By “tribe” I mean a small core group of friends where everyone is deeply connected to everyone else. Like the Scooby Doo gang or (god-awful) ‘Friends’ or (my beloved) ‘Living Single’…that kind of thing.
But after a few minutes of reflection, I changed my mind. First, I had to examine my intentions for even wanting a tribe. And truthfully, it’s because of a bit of that Facebook envy we get sometimes (and don’t act like you’ve never felt it…we’re human, it’s life). I often see pics of people with their main crew/tribe/group/whatever, and I think, “That’s so nice. I want that. It looks wonderful.” And I bet it is. It’s beautiful to have a stable core group of folks who are all intertwined and interconnected, multiple folks you can call on to hang out and chill and do things together. I don’t really have that…haven’t had that literally since middle school.
But in the next moment, Spirit spoke and reminded me what I do have. And what I have is numerous close and caring friends, friends who are always there when I need them and pretty often when I want them, relationships built on genuine love. They may not be connected to each other, but that isn’t and hasn’t been necessary for my own relationship fulfillment. What’s important is that they’re connected to me.
I’m a Leo and am most certainly a lion. But I recognize that I’m also a tiger. Friendwise, I don’t have a tribe. I’m very much a loner, despite being social and always facilitating connection for my Self and others. And that made me doubt. But the truth is, I’m fulfilled. My core friendships are strong and growing, and I have enough acquaintance and associate connections to meet my ambivert energy needs and practice social Self care. In essence, I’m happy and content. And if that’s the case, do I really have a need for a tribe?
I say all this because we often think we need a certain thing to be stable without assessing if it’s truly a need, or just something we THINK we need because we see how happy it makes others. For a moment, I lost touch with my own happiness because I was comparing it to others’.
Not doing that is the true goal of not just the new year, but every new day.